yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
