I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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