went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
