I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
