Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She bit a glass in half.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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