We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
