and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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