I CAN MOONWALK!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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