she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
