If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
