If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
