Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
