Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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