Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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