im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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