she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
