i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
