Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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