If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My vagina just clenched in fear
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