I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
