just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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