Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
