he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
