There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
