This gyro tastes like lonliness
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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