what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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