So drunk its hurt
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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