I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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