Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
