I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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