No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
