Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
