I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
