News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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