fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
