I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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