ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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