life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
