I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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