Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
