she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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