when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
