I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
