Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
