Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
