You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
