You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
