the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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