if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
