I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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