Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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