I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
