The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
